Auggie

"Can I have him Erik? Please!?" Erik smiles and gives me that look that he gives when you know he wants to say "no" but just doesn't have it in him to say it. Looking at this cute little 4 or 5 year old dachshund, he says, "I guess."

Erik knew I was really asking him to keep the dog as my apartment didn't allow dogs and his did. I promised I would take him as soon as I moved into another apartment. Erik reluctantly agreed and we drove home with this sweet little dog who went by the name Auggie.

It didn't take long, though, for me to realize that Auggie had become Erik's dog. Even now, after all these years and how much I love him-- he is still Erik's dog. Auggie loves Erik. And Erik loves that dog. There was no moving in with me later. Auggie stays with Erik.

Right now, I'm sitting next to Auggie. His breathing is slow and labored. He is tired. Our first "baby" is dying and we are heartbroken. Auggie can't see or hear, over the the years that became apparent, but he never lost his sense of smell and so I sit next to him, hoping he knows it's me. Stroking his hair. Talking to him and telling him what a good dog he's been to us. How I am so thankful he was there for Erik when we broke up (a few times) all those years ago. I thank him for being a good friend to Dylan, the energetic puppy that came a few years later, even though Auggie preferred to be an "only child". Then the real babies came. I thanked him for being so patient and sweet with Noah and Levi. Never biting or being aggressive when they might have pulled an ear too hard or petted him too rough. 

I start to remember so many things about Auggie and a smile comes to my face. Like how we picked out this spiked collar for him when we first got him because we thought it fit his protective, tough guy personality. He's worn that same collar for the last 12 years. We also bought a black squeaky toy that was shaped like a bone. He's always carried it around and, even as an old man, liked to lay in bed and make it make noise. That toy has somehow never gotten lost in 12 years and that includes at least 8 moves. 

I think about how Auggie doesn't like thunderstorms. He would always wimper and get right in your face, trying to make eye contact, as if he was looking for reassurance. One good thing about him losing his hearing over the last few years is he wasn't scared when it would storm and instead sleep right through it. 

Auggie loves to sunbathe. Every day, even until a few days ago, he would find a warm patch of grass, roll over onto his back, and lay there for hours looking so relaxed. He used to be a big boy. I remember when Erik lived in a 2nd floor apartment and his short legs and low hanging belly wouldn't stop him from running down those stairs as fast as he could to get to the car. Auggie loved to ride in the car...driver's side. Erik's truck has permanent lines on his driver's side window from Auggie's nose always being pressed up against it. 

Auggie also had a girlfriend in his younger days. It was a stuffed teddy bear that Erik got me for our first Valentine's Day together from the Hallmark store. We called it  "Scripture Bear" because you would squeeze it's paws and it would recite different scriptures in a high-pitched voice. Erik and Auggie would come to visit me and Auggie would immediately disappear. Then we would hear Scripture Bear and find her and Auggie under the bed in a compromising situation. Oh Auggie...Poor Scripture Bear.

But Auggie loved Erik most of all. He stuck by his side through good and bad. If Erik was sad or upset, Auggie could feel it. He would get right up in his face and press his forehead against Erik's to comfort him. He was completely loyal to him and, until it got too hard for him to jump down off the bed himself, he slept right next to him every night. 

As we spend these last few moments with Auggie, our hearts are hurting. Auggie has been with us all this time. He's a link to our early years and a reminder that time goes by so quickly.

There's a song Patty Griffin sings called Heavenly Day. Its a beautiful love song. In fact, we played it at our wedding. I once read an interview she did about the song and Patty said it was the first and only light-hearted love song she ever wrote. And it was about her dog. Some people may think that's strange, but anyone who has ever loved a dog and been loved by a dog knows exactly how she feels. We get it.

We love you Auggie. Thank you for loving us.

And I promise to always take good care of Erik.