Faith like a...Puppy?
“Wherever Jesus may lead us, He goes before us. If we don’t know where we’re going, we know with whom we go. ”
I'm a dog person all the way. I feel bad sometimes that I don't care for cats. I think kittens are cute and I definitely don't wish them any harm, but one bit me as a kid and I've been nervous around them ever since. I knew I really liked my husband, Erik, after going home to meet his family while we were dating and there were anywhere from 6-10 cats on the premises, lurking in every corner of their beautiful house. You just can't trust them. They put their claws in you when you are letting them sit in your lap and they look at you like they could pounce on you at any moment.
But I digress.
When I was little, I desperately wanted a dog and I would've settled for anything that I could call a pet. I used to have pet rocks. (I know, Weirdo!) There are home videos of me picking up worms and bugs in my back yard and asking my mom if I can "keep it for a pet". Worms, y'all.
When I was 16 we finally got a dog. She was a Lhasa Apso and just the sweetest dog you've ever seen. We named her Khaki and loved that little dog to pieces. I got to have a dog for 2 years and loved every minute.
Eventually, I left for college, but Khaki was in good hands with my family. I graduated from college and moved to Austin. A few years after college, Erik bought me a puppy for Christmas! A cute little Chorkie (half Chihuahua and half Yorkie). I named him Dylan and he was my baby. I took Dylan everywhere with me, and I specifically remember one trip I took to visit my parents.
Me with my dogs. Dylan is in my arms and Khaki is in the driver's seat. :)
Khaki was excited to see me. She was older but always acted like I never left. I decided to take Khaki and Dylan for a walk because Khaki loved walks and Dylan had never really been on one. When I lived at home I usually didn't put a leash on Khaki because she was really good about staying right next me. But things had changed in the years since I left home. Khaki had gotten older and more sure of herself. She knew the neighborhood probably better than I did at that time and couldn't resist the excitement, sounds, and smells of our outside adventure.
I couldn't keep her close. She would run ahead of me. She would not come when I called her. She almost got hit by a car and there were times I couldn't even see where she went. I was getting frustrated at Khaki and regretted that I had trusted her to go without a leash. After all I had done for her and how good I had always been to her, she had turned on me.
Then, there was Dylan. Just a few months old and only weighing 2 pounds. The outside world must've looked big and overwhelming to him. When I walked, he walked. When I stopped, he would stop, look up at me, and patiently wait. He stayed right next to me, keeping his eyes on my heels, watching for my next move.
Eventually, I managed to get home with both dogs safe and sound, but I wasn't too happy with Khaki. Now Dylan wasn't a perfect dog. Just a few days before he had chewed up some of my favorite books. But God showed me something on that walk that day. He reminded me that so often I act like Khaki. I get comfortable in my surroundings and my day-to-day. I get prideful and think I can handle things a-ok without Him. I run ahead of Him and allow emotion and other distractions to guide my actions. Before I know it, I get this pit in my stomach when I realized how much I've distanced myself from my God.
He doesn't put me on a leash. Because God is faithful and good, even when I am not, He is there to guide me home anyway. He picks me up and cleans me off and reminds me of His goodness. Dylan got it right that day. He trusted me. He knew that if he stayed with me he was safe.
Khaki has passed away and its been 7 years since that walk, but I find myself still struggling with this too often. In God's mercy and grace, He continually guides me back to Him. I found myself in that place just the other day and got on my face on the kitchen floor and wept. I get too self-sufficient and realize it has been days since I have been still and truly sought my King. I miss Him and He never goes anywhere. I am so prone to wander. I often pray the hymn "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love. Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above."
You see, I am so not good.
I have so many weaknesses.
I need Jesus desperately. Every day. Every moment.
I want to be like Dylan on our walk that day. There's no safer place to be than at Jesus' feet. I pray for God to give me the faith I need to humbly walk with him. Faith like a puppy.
love always,
Cara