The Problem with People
People. We need each other. Connection and relationship is something everyone longs for. I spent many years of my life feeling like I was a pretty good people person. I did not find it difficult to get along with others. Kindness and a smile went a long way in my opinion and I found that something as simple as saying "thank you" or opening a door for someone can make such a positive difference in their day.
This still holds true for me but lately, well the last 5 years or so, I've learned some hard lessons about real and meaningful relationships. Deep friendships are wonderful but they are also risky. There are so many opportunities to get hurt. There can be moments of frustration and days we would rather hang out with our pet than another human being. You see, the problem with people is that we are all pretty messed up. Not one of us is perfect. No one makes it through this life without being hurt by someone they love. And at some point, whether its intentional or not, we all hurt or disappoint the people we love.
The Lord has blessed me with some amazing friendships. These friendships are strong and they are deep. These ladies know me--the good, the bad, the ugly--and they still love me. We have a constant group text going thats usually at the top of my message app because we are so much into the details of each other's lives. We go to battle for one another in prayer. We can laugh together until we cry and our stomachs hurt. But we can cry and be vulnerable to the point that we start laughing again because someone always knows when to crack a joke that will lighten the mood. They love me and I love them. They are my people.
But you know what? They are not perfect and neither am I. I am sure (if it hasn't happened already) that I will hurt their feelings and I know that they will hurt mine. I am a flawed and imperfect person who is very capable of disappointing and hurting those I love. But realizing and accepting this over the last several years has also helped me to be generous in giving grace to others when they hurt me. In Jennie Allen's book Restless she says, "We have to pick our people and commit to them, expecting they will hurt us but not giving up easily on them when they do. [...] It turns out that loving people recklessly requires hurting deeply. If we didn't love them so much, it wouldn't have hurt so deeply."
God has been gracious to show me some of the ways I can be a better friend and show me some of my sinful nature that can sometimes get in the way. I'm realizing that I can, at times, be like the apostle Peter...and I'm not talking about his positive characteristics. I tend to let emotions guide my actions and responses to people who have hurt me or the people and things I care about.
I hate it. I'm working on it.
Peter was quick to cut off a soldier's ear who was coming to arrest Jesus. However, Jesus told Peter that wasn't the way as he picked the ear up and healed the man. Peter passionately said that he would not deny him, and yet that is exactly what he did when he was scared and faced the possibility of his own arrest. Peter was passionate and it was his strength, but it also was his weakness. He put his foot in his mouth often and I can say the same in my own life. I have seen this flaw hurt those I love including my husband, family, and friends.
I'm thankful that there is grace for me in those moments.
And I am praying that the Lord helps me to constantly be a giver of grace to others. Because I need my people. I want to invest in them and serve them and risk for them. They are worth it. I want to give grace away like its my job...and it sort of is.
The problem with people is that we can inflict deep cuts and wounds in one another with our words and actions. But we can also give grace, and grace brings healing. May we all be people of grace.
Love always,
Cara